The Tome of Demons

The Tome of Demons is a monster manual of the dank anxieties and fears that block Sri-ness, preventing her from being the best version of herself.

Let’s start with a list of demons:

  • demon of not feeling worthy
  • demon of not starting the work
  • demon of uncertainty of reward
  • demon of uncertainty of activity producing worthwhile result
  • demon of disdain of mediocre work
  • demon of judging producers who do not aspire to exceptional craft
  • demon of judging one-dimensional technicians who know process but not the theoretical “why”

Observations

feb 3, 2021 – The first group of four is related to the last set of three…there is some hole implied by this relation…

feb 16, 2021 – a formal diagnosis of ADHD-I and surprisingly being on the AUTISM spectrum suggests new possibilities for the source of these demons. I don’t know anything about AUTISM; a friend suggests it’s 5-6 different things rather than one thing. But…low dopamine seems to at the source of many of my demons. That is something of a relief because it’s not a character flaw or lack of will, but instead is a brain chemistry issue. I can see how many of my coping mechanisms and productivity tricks are in response to low dopamine because they generate MORE dopamine. For example, curiosity and novelty boosts dopamine production; my desire to not be bored and use of questions for continuity journaling and even happy bubble time all have impacts on dopamine from what I’m reading and hearing from other high-functioning autists.