But since I’m already here, I’ll make a few quick observations

• Not tracking was not bad when I gave myself permission to focus on only one thing (software development) this year to the exclusion of all other projects. There was time between lulls where I could do a few chores, but it was impossible for me to start an entire other project with an entirely different context. It may have always been this way, but I thought I could think my way out of it.

• Tracking is better for managing multiple projects, but still requires time awareness and time management skill. These are two areas where I am really deficient. I’d like to address them in a future post.

• Focusing on one thing for the year did yield noticeable improvements in the skill level! I don’t think would have been possible had I kept splitting my attention between two or three other projects as I have in the past, though I still feel somewhat guilty about backburnering so many things.

• I have noticed that a lot of internalized anger from my childhood is still there. Instead of overcoming it as I thought I did, I have merely redirected it into becoming more knowledgeable and more independent. However, my internal calm is still a facade over deep anger just beneath the surface. I don’t want to be that way; this maybe a candidate for 2021. I am not as evolved as I thought.

I am really burned-out, having not had a mental break from project work since March. As a result I am feeling quite out of balance but there is so much work to do. I’ve been buying a lot of cooking gear as a kind of “retail therapy”, because cooking is the only break I’m really allowing myself. No games, though I am itching to try Red Dead Online, Star Citizen, and now Cyberpunk 2077. NetFlix is reserved for watching while eating; currently I’m working my way through The Repair Shop which is just lovely.

Quick Notes:

• The Virtual Coworking Chat is still going strong. It’s really a source of camaraderie these days.
• Working more has the side benefit of bequeathing extra income, so I am now the owner of a Cosori air fryer, a Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus multicooker, and a Anova Sous Vide Precision immersion cooker. These kind of “fire and forget” devices are helping me focus more on work while still getting decent food results.
• My Carmen Sandiego costume is coming along for Halloween 2021.
• My laptop (a 2013 Macbook Pro 15) is starting to get really sluggish, but I think I’m going to wait for the ARM-powered Macbook Pro instead of getting the current 9th-gen Intel model. It looks good, but (1) I can survive with this 7-year old laptop for a little while longer and (2) I would be pretty mad if the 2021 Macbook Pro w/ Apple Silicon is as fast as I expect it to be.

That’s it for now! I hope everyone is maintaining their sanity in these trying times!

• Good friends to keep me grounded, both online and offline!
• The Virtual Coworking Cafe and its people!
• Contract work that thankfully extends to 2021!

This is also the second-to-last “Not Groundhog Day” resolutions report! If you are just joining me, 2020 is the first year since 2007 that I have not pursued some kind of “big goal”. It seemed that the big goals I picked were variations on the same thing, and they weren’t getting any closer to being resolved. So for 2020 I decided not to track any of these goals at all, and just see what I ended up doing as a way to reset my expectations. Sometimes you need a break to see the pattern in what you’re doing.

It occurred to me today that I have a preliminary finding from this year of not-tracking: I may have found my “natural” energy-to-task equilibrium. The sobering hypothesis is that I can only manage ONE MAJOR TASK AT A TIME in any kind of disciplined manner by myself. If I try to handle more than that, my mental and physical health takes a big hit due to additional stress I put on myself.

I want to hold on to that thought for the end-of-year review, but for now let’s get into the November review! (more…)