At the end of every year, a disorderly pile of unfinished projects stalks me like a flock of perky Christmas carolers. They sing of a bright future, IF I were to only I were to FULLY COMMIT to the Spirit of Doing! And at the end of every year, I find myself IRRITATED, grouchily wondering when I will get my act together and get enough momentum to burst through the nebulous barriers that seem to drag my progress down. Sometimes these barriers are in the form of obligations I’ve made to other people or imagine that I should do to help out. Sometimes they are just the chores that make up the “incessant drip drip drip” of existence, to paraphrase Sherlock Holmes in Elementary. The projects seem to grow in number every year, each one of them with its own recognizeable smiling face, tormenting me.

I can’t really think why these projects never get done, other than it seems that deep in my heart I don’t really want to do them. This is despite knowing these projects would be wonderful for me, projects like “establish a thriving e-commerce business based on my original design work”, “write a compendium of productivity tips and tools based on the 15 years of work I’ve been writing about them”, “design software that is allows people to express complex interactions in viscerally compelling visual ways”, and so on. I’ve got a lot of idea and a lot of unique skills that give me an advantage in pursuing them. Still, I do not act, instead getting bogged-down by the “drip drip drip” of existence. I’m bored, but don’t want to act. I’m tired, but restless. It hasn’t all been terrible, as I’ve made progress in other areas and have increased my understanding across a variety of fields, but I still feel hapless despite all the freedom and choice I have.

Am I missing purpose or are otherwise lacking in character or will to become who I want to become? Maybe I need to just get a job. And by that, I mean giving myself one. This post is the first of (probably) several that explores my definition of my “job”. (more…)