My mistake! It turns out that watching hair grow is fun, or at least mildly distracting, if you speed it up by a factor of 172800 or so. I especially liked the rationale:
Despite the fact that my husband claimed my hair was sexy — “You know, in a European way” — it had been a year since I decided it might be fun to painstakingly maintain the look of a horribly botched haircut, and I needed a change.
I shall now endeavor to use “in a European way” in lieu of “that’s interesting” as much as possible. My verbal horizons: broadened!