(last edited on April 29, 2014 at 1:29 am)
I was catching up with some of my single women friends today, and one of them got on the subject of the quality of this summer’s dating harvest. She’s a bit fed up, and let slip that there’s only two things she wants from a date. Sensing that this might benefit my fellow Men of Earth, I took notes:
- As an intelligent, independent woman, she wants men that “get it”. On further questioning, that appears to mean that she expects a combination of genuine respect and courtesy. I’ve read that cognitively, women are more astute at reading non-verbal cues than men, so this isn’t the kind of thing you can fake.
She wants to feel “a spark”. This could be physical, but it might also be situational or mental.
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p>If you get it (1) you probably already have compassion, emotional intelligence, and confidence. The trick, I’m thinking, is holding all that together under all conditions, socially or otherwise, without being a jerk. That’s the foundation of being truly considerate, as is constancy of character.
I’m not sure what you can do about (2)…there’s either a spark, or there isn’t. Though my sister tells me women will be delighted if you just aren’t a total slob. As most of us are. When you make sure those little hairs aren’t poking out of your nostrils, you’re saying, “yes, I care enough to not embarass you”. That’s love, baby! Of course, some women will expect more than that.
On a personal note, I’m actually starting a new program of healthy living for the next six weeks…weddings to go to, gotta look sharp!
2 Comments
The “trick”, as you put it, is that there are no “tricks”!
If you can’t be yourself with him/her and feel comfortable, then move on (note : per a lifelong commitment to self-improvement and growth, this sense of self may change).
One (of the many) common misconceptions, in my opinion, is that all relationships take a lot of work. This seems to be a common byline on relationships for daytime TV talk shows. Which are more about making peers in less than great relationships feel like they’re not alone…providing a short-term feel-good effect. It’s a bunch of BS if you ask me. Ask anyone who is in a truly great long-term relationship (there are VERY few, so you might have to look long and hard), and I’d bet you most, if not all, would concur. It’s also part and parcel of why the institution of marriage is outdated, wrecking more “homes” than not based on preconceived notions about what it means to be committed. But that’s a LONG post for another day…
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I wonder to what extent the allure of the “great long term relationship” has been the home wrecker. I asked my Dad once why people got married, and he commented about the “working partnership” (my paraphrase) aspect that was the reason: survival. Our motivations today are probably a bit different.