Seeing What’s Inside

I've got a friend, J, who is studying to become a doctor in the Washington D.C. area. Since she works almost all the time and we haven't talked much recently, we started trading snippets of everyday stories for fun. So yesterday, J is working at a senior living facility, where she is volunteering while school is out, and she had a personal epiphany that moved me to tears while I was sitting here at Starbucks. She's graciously allowed me to share her words here:

So, I have a story to tell you. Yesterday I went to volunteer in this senior living facility. I do a free blood pressure check-up for the residents there once a week there. Because the facility is an apartment for the seniors with the amenities geared towards senior living rather than a nursing home, the residents are pretty in good shape. However, one of the patients obviously did not look normal but rather disabled. He had a disproportionately large head compared to his torso, even more so when compared to his legs. His torso was so hunched over forward, he reminded me of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. On top of that, he couldn't walk well even with the walker. His lips were open constantly and he drooled. His hands were permanently deformed due to the neurological damage which caused contractures. Hope you get the picture.

I glimpsed him walking (rather, dragging himself) into the room and felt a little bit of repulsion in my gut because he just didn't look like a human to be honest. He walked in and sat down on a chair next to me while I was checking other residents' BP which took a good 10 minutes. When it was his turn to take BP, he mumbled something and showed me his note book. He couldn't even speak right so I had a hard time understanding him. He kept saying the same thing repeatedly, and finally I figured it out. It was that he drew a profile of me in his note book while he was waiting and he wanted to give it to me when he was finished. It was so touching that I almost had teary eyes. In the drawing, there were crude outlines of me which occupied half of the page. The lines were so zig-zag that it was hard to tell what it was at first glance. Yet, when I looked more closely, there was the eye, the nose, the lips and even the glasses I was wearing. The face was colored with red and yellow crayon which were the only color in the drawing. It might be just my own imagination but I could tell this person in the drawing surely is an Asian. When I looked at the drawing I could feel my heart wringing in my chest and ache. Here was this person, who didn't even look like a human to me, who had the talent and the kind heart to draw me and give it to me!

It turned out that he used to be a painter and he still enjoys it. I asked him whether he could show me some more drawings in the notebook. When he flipped through his notebook, there were pages after pages full of peoples faces all with the familiar zig-zag lines, yet with well-captured features. A chubby-faced boy with lots of freckles, a middle aged African-American lady, the security guard of the apartment, and so on. And he told me who these people were in his notebook. Some he saw in the emergency room a couple weeks ago, some were fellow residents, some were visitors, etc... He made me realize how shallow, calculating, judgmental I was. I failed to see past the person's outside. I forgot that there is a soul in every human being no matter what kind of physical state he is in. It was amazing how one little drawing could change me so much and so deeply. It was amazing.

I reflected on this story for many long minutes, sniffling quietly, and was newly amazed at how every small interaction with another person can lead to...well, I don't know what to call it. A connection? A change? Maybe it's a reminder that so long we have the capacity to recognize a genuine gesture from someone's heart, or to have the ability to express in that same way, we create the opportunity for something amazing? I have myself been going through an identity crisis of late, and have been hyper-aware of my barriers and preconceptions. I've been more self-conscious than usual---or perhaps it's more accurate to say that I've reverted to an old self-consciousness---as I've tried to work out what it is that's been bothering me and define a course of action to correct it. J's story reminds me that this is all in my head, and that if I can be open to what is out there, I'll find amazing people and experiences just like this, hidden behind doors I wouldn't ordinarily open. It could be that simple.

But there I go, introspecting again about myself. Thank you, J, for sharing that special moment with those of us who needed to hear it and didn't even know it.

On The Road: Insights from Dogs, Babies, and Hard Drive Crashes

I've been on the road for over a week now, travelling around California for business and pleasure. The business: the museum test of the interactive exhibit technology that I've been working on with Inquirium, a learning sciences and design firm I've worked with in the past. The pleasure: celebrating the 40th birthday of high school buddy and former co-conspirator Mark Kern.

The problem: Mark's chocolate lab Chloe, a bouncy 4-month old puppy with an admirable enthusiasm for visitors.

On the very first day in California, Chloe joyfully knocked my Macbook Pro out of my lap and onto Mark's lovely hardware floor. It didn't seem to land that hard, so I thought nothing of it. But I noticed that the machine had started to act very sluggish. After killing some processes and determining it wasn't some weird network-related thing, it turned out that the operating system was locking up because the hard drive was unable to read data from the hard drive reliably. In other words, the computer was hosed, along with all my work applications and data. The dog was not blamed or punished, as it wasn't her (or anyone's fault), but it did mean that I was doomed to enjoy my time in Southern California without doing a lick of work. In a way it is a good real-world test of my mobile development setup. This is the first time I've lost a hard drive to an accident like this; better it happen while I'm in California than, say, Costa Rica. I would have preferred that this didn't happen before travelling to San Jose for 10 days of intensive development work. I was also pretty much offline until Tuesday night.

AppleCare Not

When I got to San Jose, my cousin Ben arranged for an appointment at the Apple Store Genius Bar, but ultimately they could not do what I wanted: give me rapid hard drive replacement and allow me to keep my old hard drive to recover my data. Apple Store policy, apparently, is to exchange hard drives; someone told me that Apple refurbs the returned drives and uses them again, but I can't confirm this personally. Plan B was a visit to Mac Pro, an independent Apple Macintosh store that's been around since 1988. I'd visited them for the first time a few months ago, because they just happened to be the exclusive North American distributor for those nifty Levertigo 17" MacBook Pro Bags I was eying, and were conveniently nearby. Mac Pro's staff were friendly and pretty helpful, and they possessed that fine balance between critical geeky competency and a desire to help their customers without making a lot of excuses. I had them take care of the laptop for me over the next two days while I was on-site at the museum. Though I could have waited until I got home and done an AppleCare exchange, I decided to just bite the bullet and get a new hard drive, upping the capacity to 320GB in the process. I used a SATA-to-USB drive interface to recover my data from the old disk, and restored a Windows XP bootable partition--yes, I'm running Windows XP on my MBP through Boot Camp. Although all my creative apps await restoration when I return home, all my source code and assets are on my Subversion server, and I was able to re-install Visual Studio 2005 without mishap.

One other good thing came out of this experience: the discovery of Portable Thunderbird for my email needs. I was without my own computer for a week, but I did have a 4GB USB thumb drive. With Portable Thunderbird, you can install your entire email program on a USB drive and carry your account profiles with you. While it's a little sluggish compared to having the app installed on your hard drive, it's very usable for day-to-day email checking. You can get a lot more open source apps from PortableApps website, such as Open Office Portable, Pidgin (formally Gaim) Portable, Firefox Portable, and The Gimp Portable. I'm pretty excited about Pidgin, the multi-protocol Instant Messaging client, because I can now have one master instant messenger setup that I can use on whatever computer I happen to be on. And even better: when I upgrade my computer, I won't have to lose all my logs and re-setup. That's a pain in the ass.

Hanging Out at the San Jose Tech Innovation Museum

As I'd mentioned in past posts, I've been working with Inquirium to create an interactive museum exhibit technology platform based on 3D motion tracking cameras and a high-end graphics PC. One of Inquirium's contacts got us into an unused part of the San Jose Tech Museum of Innovation, complete with a small video projector and screen, which is just right for our test. The museum staff has also been super-friendly and accomodating despite all the other stuff they have to do, providing us with some space and running cables for us.

On the technology itself: we have been able to use the infrared illuminators we got from Fry's Electronics to improve the 3D camera tracking accuracy without washing out the projector screen, though it's still prone to jittering and false positives. We think we can tune the interaction and jump detection further, but our greatest challenge is the small size of the interaction area. To accomodate dozens of kids flowing through the space, we'll have to make some adjustments to our expectations of how to best manage traffic through adaptive interaction while retaining our commitment to delivering our core message in a non-superficial way. That's what the rest of this week will be about. We've also learned a lot about the kind of code development we need to tackle next to support the next phase of interactive prototyping. I'm looking forward to writing that up.

The San Jose Tech Museum, AKA "The Tech", is itself very cool; it's been a while since I've visited any science and technology museum, the Boston Museum of Science nearby. I haven't been to the MOS in quite some time, but I remember it being a somewhat cramped and dark space. The Tech, by comparison, has a very light and open hub by the entrance, with each floor running its own warren of technology-based activities. I haven't really had a chance to spend much time with the exhibits there yet, though in my quick run through I saw several things I wanted to try, like a video-feed controlled submersible ROV in an enormous fish tank, a simulated space walk chair that uses jets of compressed air position yourself under a satellite, and a whack a spam machine situated in the informative yet festive Internet exhibit. There are also permanent exhibits on Invention and Innovation, which are subjects close to my heart; in particular, there are some life-size pictures of actual inventors photographed against white backgrounds with some words about what they do. I found the presentation to be striking while humanizing the invention process. I don't know if kids would be as moved, but I certainly was. Next time I'm out on the west coast I should also check out The Exploratorium up in San Francisco, now that I actually have met someone that works there.

Insights Away from Home

Five years ago I would have said that the part of New England I'm from suits my temperament best:

• people are naturally reserved and keep their distance
• we have real contrast in our seasons
• the likelihood of earthquakes, tidal waves, poisonous snakes, tornados, tarantulas, scorpions is very low

Surprisingly, I find the San Jose area growing on me. It might be the combination of Fry's Electronics, plentiful quality asian food, nearby relatives, and the mildly warm weather in comparison to the long winter. The ethnic diversity is also refreshing. There are also a lot more people here, and I'm finding that the relaxed atmosphere coupled with the high density of geek culture in Sillicon Valley rather attractive. I am missing home, though, because I have the nagging feeling that I've my life back home is "on-hold" while I'm out here working. While it's only been two weeks, this is the longest amount of time I've been away since 2000, when I flew to Taiwan for my grandfather's funeral. My friend Erin and I have a theory about "experiencing the true nature of a place" that relates to this: it takes at least two weeks to feel like you're "there", so you need to commit to at least four weeks before you'll know what it's like to live there. On this trip, I'm also finding it takes about ten days for me to start really missing home, and I think this helps corroborate the theory for my own use. I'd like to experience more places over longer periods of time. I think this might help reveal who I really am, whatever that means.

Also, while having the day-to-day continuity with real live people is really important to me, this trip has made me aware that there are "anchoring activities" that I can bring with me wherever I go and still feel pretty good:

• I can write to people: Without a working computer, I realized that of all the things I do the most, it's writing to people. It's impulsive and obsessive and a source of feeling connected. Being without a computer has been tough, but mostly because I have been out of touch with people. Because I've been so busy also, I haven't maintained the regular dialog with whoever is out there listening. The urge to communicate is, I believe, my passion. It doesn't matter what I'm communicating, so long as some connection is made and ideas are conveyed across it authentically.

• I can take pictures: Taking pictures helps me remember places, and relate my experience when I email them later. I need to add video to the mix. As I edit and arrange the imagery at night, I find myself reliving the experience. This is kind of relaxing...it might be the closest thing I have to a hobby. Digital photography combines my enthusiasm for instant results while providing the raw resources for later reflection. It also gets me out of the house to look for new experiences.

So if there's a remote job I could do, it might be as a journalist for my own publication (this blog) and so long I had regular contact with the important people in my life, I might have a good time.

Resuming Life

There are a bunch of projects I left dangling at home that I want to pick up again: the gospel music project, for example, has been on my mind quite a bit as I've been listening to different kinds of music on the road. A couple realizations---that gospel music needs to be singable by a church congregation imposes a certain structure, and that you can get away with some pretty simple verses---has me itching to get back to it. I also miss my cats and my regular routine at the coffee shop and the gym; there's a certain "cat energy" and "friend energy" that I guess helps power me through the day. Weird. Lastly, I saw myself in some photographs and I realized that despite improved cardiovascular endurance, I'm still way too fat. Certainly, my mental body image does not match what I see in photographs, and I am finding this extremely annoying and somewhat depressing. So I'm thinking of initiating some kind of intensive regimen to see what I can get done in a month, just to see what it's like.

I'm still going to be on the road for a while, so all this will have to wait for a week.

I’m in San Jose, Again

I'm in the San Jose area, staying near The Pruneyard in Campbell. Although it's another busy work week, I'm carving out some evening time and weekend time to hang out with people and gabber! My mobility is pretty restricted so I am thinking of just hanging out at The Pruneyard, which is walkable for me. I understand that there's some stuff in downtown San Jose too, so I might be able to just take a cab someplace if I know where to go. I am not familiar with this area at all.

Weekday Evening Plans

For the evenings, Wednesday and Friday this week are available, so if anyone wants to hang out around 6:30PM or so and catch a bite, we can meet at The Pruneyard here in Campbell, perhaps at the Barnes and Noble Cafe (actually, I don't know if there's one there, but there is stuff to look at) or at The Coffee Society, since I know where that is now from the last hangout.

WEDNESDAY UPDATE: I met with Pradeep and Terry from around 630PM to 900PM, and I had a good time chatting with them about a variety of subjects ranging from the ethnic experience in America, Scott McCloud's most recent book Making Comics, our comic engineering backgrounds and how they've affected how we look at life, and a bit of story swapping about how we happened to get to where we are.

FRIDAY UPDATE: Looking forward to Friday's get-together, probably somewhere in downtown San Jose by the look of things right now, with Jakob, Karen, Kai, and whoever else might want to spend a few hours of hanging out. Stay tuned for location and time.

Weekend Plans

For Saturday or Sunday, I am mostly working, but will make some time free in the afternoon, perhaps lunch to early evening on Sunday. It really depends on transportation and who's interested. Unfortunately I can't spend the whole day out, so there's a 3-4 hour cap on total time. My mobility options are again limited. If this light rail option works out (it looks like it's about a 20 minute walk from where I am) then this frees things up considerably.

SUNDAY UPDATE: I'm hoping to meet up with Fred, an industrial designer, sometime in the afternoon.

Assemble the Fleet!

Anyway, if anyone is interested in hanging out on those particular days, let me know! Looking forward to meeting old friends and making new ones :-) No agenda, other than shooting the breeze, maybe collaborating on something quick and fun.

• The Dave Seah Travel Plans Wiki Page, which lists my hanging out availability
• To make your additions to the page, you'll have to be registered first. You'll get an activation email if everything works; sometimes there is a significant delay in receiving the email.

Visiting San Jose Yet Again

Just a quick note: I'll be in San Jose, California (Campbell, to be more precise) from March 25 to March 31st for work. I'll be quite close to The Pruneyard (walking distance, even), where we had a small geeky gathering over coffee and food. If you're in the area and would like to hang out some evening, leave a comment or shoot me an email with your cell number. I'm not sure what day it will be; it sort of depends on how the work goes.

SXSW Video Clips

I have a terrible memory for names and faces, so I tried to take as many short video clips as I could to help me remember. I edited the segments together into a 14-minute video to convey my SXSW experience. Next year I may have to actually bring a real video camera instead; this was shot with my Fuji FinePix F30d compact digital camera.

The video service I'm using, Viddler, allows people to annotate the video with tags and comments at specific places in the video stream, so have at it :-) I will tag the video with names when I get a bit more time, or you can tag yourself! :-) Viddler, unlike a lot of services, also retains the quality of the video; note that the graininess of this clip is because I shot at low resolution under low-light conditions with a digital camera, so that's my fault. The cool thing was that Viddler's servers didn't recompress the already bad video (like YouTube would), since I uploaded it as a Flash Video (.flv) file.

UPDATE: BTW, if you're on this video and don't want to be, let me know and I will re-edit. So far everyone has been very cool, thanks!